CHILD ABUSE

*CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE*

Child sexual abuse is also known as child sexual molestation. It is a secret crime involving a range of indecent sexual activities between an adultand a child.

According to the National Violence Against Children Survey, it established that *1 in 4 girls* and *1 in 10 boys* experienced sexual violence before the age of 18.

*TYPES OF MOLESTATION*

-Defilement

-Rape

-Fingering

-Making a child watch pornography

-Exposing the genital to kids

-Indecent touching

-Fondling etc

*WHO COULD ABUSE YOUR CHILD?*

*ANYBODY*

Studies show that over *95%* of sexually abused children are abused by persons known or close to the child or the child's family.

*ABUSERS ARE MOSTLY NOT STRANGERS*

They are right there in your house, co-tenants, family members,neighbours. Their friends in school, hostel, classmates,class/school teachers, madrasah teachers, cousins, uncles, nephew, niece, fathers, step fathers, grand fathers, imams, choir masters, pastors, confidants, security guard, maids, family /school drivers, After school/home lesson teachers, mummy's friend, daddy's friend, caregivers, strangers........ the list can go on.

Please, do not ask if any of the above is possible because,there is no case of any of the above that we have not seen.

*CAUSES OF CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE*

Parental negligence, carelessness, non- challant attitude.

It is as bad as *No one can be trusted*

We have a child presently carrying a baby that belongs to her father*

*OTHER CAUSES*

Absentee parents.

Parents who do not observe.

When d kids are not informed.....

What u watch with your kids.

*WHERE CAN YOUR CHILD BE SEXUALLY ABUSED?*

✓On your bed

✓Right under your nose, under your roof

✓In the school enviroment- class,toilet etc

✓Hostel 

✓Parties

✓ In their room (siblings)

✓Deserted/Abandoned places

✓ When you are distracted

Etc

Perpetrators look for opportunities.

*5mins is enough to cause a life long damage*

*HOW DO PAEDOPHILES GET THE VICTIMS?*

1.Grooming

2.Baits

a. Emotional bait

b. Gift bait

c. Financial bait

d. Familiarity & Respect bait.

Child grooming

Befriending and establishing an emotional connection with a child, and sometimes the family, to lower the child's inhibitions with the objective of sexual abuse. -Wikipedia-

Gaining the trust of a minor with the intention of having sex relationship with them.

*HOW TO IDENTIFY A POSSIBLE ABUSER*

A. Always trying to be around your child or vice versa

B. Child feels uncomfortable when he/she sights d abuser or when d abuser is around.

C. Easily and conviniently accept to care for your child while you are away.

D. Can be hard on the child especially if the child is rejecting his *moves*

Etc

If any of the above is observed, plssss, shine your eyes. Or sometimes, your child might feel uncomfortable /rejecting to go to the person when you send him or her Or even go for holiday.

Sexual abuse happens among sibblings, set rules, seperate their rooms, seperate their beds.

We had a case of twins having sex with each other. When they were asked, they said: we see mum and dad do same.

Why should we be that careless?

Because of the carelessness of both parents,their innocent minds were polluted and their lives were destroyed.

*WHAT A PERPETRATOR SAYS TO A CHILD WILLING TO SPEAK OUT*

•I will kill u

•You will die

•Your mummy will hate u

•Your mummy will beat you

•Your mummy will blame you.

•Your mummy and your daddy will die.

•He could cut d child, lick d blood and says ' *this is a blood convenant between us ,d day you tell is the day you die*

The *SRR*

-Teach ur child-

S - Shout/scream

R - Run 

R - Report

*POSSIBLE SIGNS THAT YOUR CHILD HAS BEEN ABUSED*

✓Isolation

✓Aggressiveness

✓Anxiety/Fear

✓Difficulty in walking

✓Sudden drop in academic performance

✓Poor social interaction

Etc

*OTHERS*

✓Sexually Transmitted Diseases.

Their dressing is important, dress to cover them pls. Teach them privacy.They must knock and seek permission before they enter your room.

It is wrong to bath them together irrespective of sex.

PLEASE NOTE

*children never lie about abuse* If your child tells u someone is trying to mess with him or her.... Please believe the child and respond appropriately.

*EFFECT OF CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE*

-The abused child could become a *serial* abuser

-Depression

-Suicidal thoughts

-Stigma

-Guilt

-Lifelong psychological trauma

-Aggression

-Withdrawn

-Infected with STDs

Etc

*THE BOYS*

More often than not,we pay more attention to the girls than the boys.

With my years of experience, boys are mostly victims- anal sex but because we *do not pay attention*.

For them, healing is a terrible process.

*WATCH OVER YOUR BOYS* Something might just be happening and u perceive not. Do not be a *hard* mum. Strike a balance between love and discipline.

Give your children Sex Education proportional to their age. A child of age 2 or even less is due for Sex Eduacation.

Tell them what nobody must do with their body.

Tell them to *speak out*.

In the house, everyone must respect one another's privacy.

When your child refuses to go to school, here’s how to respond

 

The start of the school year is full of firsts, including the first dreaded back to school virus — or is it? Often a child’s complaints of illness can be attributed to a physical cause, but sometimes when a child is complaining of a headache or a stomach-ache, that pain could be the physical manifestation of his or her stress and or anxiety. This is the case for up to 5% of children each year who refuse school. So how do parents determine if that stomach-ache is the result of a bug or the result of anxiety or other emotional concern?

The connection between mental and physical health is well documented. The cause of an ailment such as a headache or stomach ache can sometimes be purely physical or purely mental, but it's more often a little of both. Research has shown that stress in children and adults can contribute to physical symptoms as well as the exacerbation of current ailments. It is estimated about 10% of children will complain of pain or illness during the school day, and stress-induced ailments in adults have continued to increase.

In psychology, the term somatization describes how emotional causes contribute to physical symptoms in both adults and children. It’s fairly common; Think about the last time you had a bad day at work and came home with a headache, or were really nervous before a flight and felt stomach pain. Additionally, when experiencing minor discomfort, some individuals may hyper-focus on the discomfort, which can exacerbate those symptoms. For example, a child may be experiencing the usual “butterflies” in the stomach associated with the first day of school, but he or she may become so focused on that sensation that the severity of the symptoms increases.

So, how can you tell whether your child refuses school because of a purely physical ailment, or if there is an emotional component contributing to that ailment?

First, always rule out a medical concern. Remember that a child’s description of their physical pain is real and should not be discounted, but try to further explore its cause. Ask your child questions about school, their friends, teachers, their upcoming math test, who they sit with at lunch, and who they play with at recess. Additionally, write down the times and events when your child is complaining of pain and illness — is it in the morning before school? Are there complaints on the weekends? If your child is refusing school, it may also be helpful to speak with the school psychologist to further explore an underlying emotional issue.

Also, try to determine if your child is contributing to his or her ailment by ruminating over it —often, the stories we tell ourselves can contribute to our anxiety about an illness. If you’ve ever consulted “Dr. Google” for a physical ailment and started to think about all of the potential causes, you’ll understand that children have similar thought patterns. It’s important to determine with your child if that is the case, and clear up any of these fears with developmentally appropriate information. If you think your child may be experiencing pain due to nervousness, be sure to normalize that pain and explore with them potential causes.

Lastly, there is a delicate balance between reassuring your children that they are safe and well, and providing so much reassurance that it begins to feed the anxiety. Children who constantly ask to go to the doctor for minor ailments, or insist they have some sort of disease (when you have ruled out that they don’t) may be engaging in reassurance seeking to decrease the anxiety. This practice may initially decrease anxiety for the short term, but ultimately results in feeding a vicious cycle of increasing his or her anxiety. Acknowledge your child’s physical sensation, help them identify the emotions around them, assure them they are safe, and then engage in other activities in an attempt to distract. They will take your lead. If you are anxious they will be anxious.

The origin of pain and illness is complex and can often have emotional components at their roots. By helping your child identify what is truly a physical ailment, and what is a physical response to stress is or anxiety, can help them cope with their stressors in healthy and productive ways.

Jessica Glass Kendorski is an associate professor and chair of the department of school psychology at the Philadelphia College of Osteopathic Medicine (PCOM).

Jessica Kendorski, PhD, NCSP, BCBA-D | @DrJessKendorski | healthykids@philly.com